Lupin's Story
by lrigD
Summary: What do we actually know about Remus Lupin's life? An attempt to fill in the voids. Tried to stay canon, but had to fill in certain parts. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

We were always together

We were always together. James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Those names were hardly ever heard singularly – it was always James and Sirius, Remus and James, Peter and Sirius. Like some kind of quartet.  
We laughed together, cried together, talked together... We were inseparable. And when we started our seventh and last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we decided we would always stick together, even after school. We needed each other. Out there, in the big world, were so many troubles. Voldemort's terror had not ended yet. Death Eaters were everywhere. It was difficult to know who to trust, but we trusted each other. A wrong decision, I can now say...  
James, Sirius and Peter were the best friends I ever wished to have. I disguised my monthly problems first by telling them every full moon I had to leave for some reason – an ill mother, a marriage, a death – but they weren't fooled. In my second year at Hogwarts, they found out. And amazingly enough, incredibly enough, they didn't blame me. They didn't stop being with me. It was completely new to me. I had always lived with fear of my monthly transformations, fear of others finding out. It was such a relief that my best friends didn't turn me down after they found out. They did much more than that, much better things. They decided to keep me company. Becoming an Animagus is a long, dangerous and painful process. It takes years to master, not to mention to do it secretly right under Dumbledore's nose, and keeping it quiet. In my fifth year, they managed it all. Peter became a rat. Small as he was, he could always stop the Whomping Willow from moving by pushing on the spot. Sirius and James turned into a dog and a stag, both big enough to fight with me if necessary.  
They made my transformationa easier. I was still a werewolf, but when I changed my human self remained inside of me. I became a wolf with a lot of human characteristics. I stopped biting and scratching myself and damaged the house instead. Sometimes I fought with my friends – more for fun than to really harm them.  
I was described as the most mature one of our quartet. Dumbledore made me Prefect, probably to keep James and Sirius a bit more quiet, but I failed in that. I felt ver guilty about it, though, especially on the way they treated Severus Snape. He had been their main victim ever since they met him. He was a friend of Lily: reason enough for James to treat him badly. Sometimes I tried to stop them. I never joined them in teasing him. But I was too afraid to really stand up against them – afraid I would lose my friends.

After Hogwarts, we didn't have as much contact as we used to, obviously. James married Lily very soon after school. They had met at school, in the first year already – their story is to be told another time. Sirius moved into his house where his parents had lived before.  
Sirius and James still had a lot of contact. They were the centre of our group, the two best friends. Peter and me were also friends, but not best; I never liked the way Peter admired James. James was, in his eyes, everything he, Peter, wasn't: smart, popular, handsome – I think this also had its part in what happened later on.

I spent my time trying to find a job, which was extremely hard. There weren't many wizards who trusted werewolves; in fact, I only knew few of them. After a while I gave up and started working for the Order instead, which was dangerous but at least something.  
Voldemort was very powerful. It was a horrible time. You didn´t know who to trust... Every day, people disappeared, were found dead or were discovered to have joined the Dark Side. I was very glad that none of my betrusted friends showed signs of affection - I was particularly concerned about Sirius, seeing as he had grown up in a dark family.

Those concerns seemed confirmed when I heard the story about his betrayal. I had visited Lily, James and their son Harry a while ago, before Harry's first birthday. Sirius nor Peter was there. I finally had the time to speak to James alone and clearify some things of the past. Lily was very kind to me, too. She had always been, even when she found out about my secret. I was very glad to have it all straight when I finally left their house.

A couple of weeks later, it happened. James and Lily, dead in their house, attacked by none other than Voldemort. And Harry... little Harry, survived it. The curse backfired and he survived. Sirius was found guilty and sent to Azkaban, after killing Peter. All at once, I lost my three best friends, left with a very confused and angry mind.I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it coming.

To forget, I focussed even more on the Order. It had been disbanded after Voldemort's downfall, but I still knew some things to do. There wasn't as much left to do as there used to be. Voldemort was gone, or it seemed that way – I never believed he was truly gone. People celebrated, but I only joined a few. I was very upset about the sudden departure of the three best friends, one of whom I never believed to be evil. Nevertheless, I was happy the threat of the past year had lifted. I hoped on more justice for werewolves, but it was an idle hope. Wizards took their prejudices with them.

I spent the next years trying to find more Death Eaters. Many had found a way out by telling they had been Imperiused – my job was to sort out the liars. I didn't do a well job, though. I was devastated by the loss of the only ones who had trusted me, and many wizard and witches knew me by name, or at least by species. They knew I was a werewolf, and if I wasn't careful, I could be caught any minute. So there wasn't much left for me to do.


	2. Chapter 2

We were always together

We were always together. James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Those names were hardly ever heard singularly – it was always James and Sirius, Remus and James, Peter and Sirius. Like some kind of quartet.  
We laughed together, cried together, talked together... We were inseparable. And when we started our seventh and last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we decided we would always stick together, even after school. We needed each other. Out there, in the big world, were so many troubles. Voldemort's terror had not ended yet. Death Eaters were everywhere. It was difficult to know who to trust, but we trusted each other. A wrong decision, I can now say...  
James, Sirius and Peter were the best friends I ever wished to have. I disguised my monthly problems first by telling them every full moon I had to leave for some reason – an ill mother, a marriage, a death – but they weren't fooled. In my second year at Hogwarts, they found out. And amazingly enough, incredibly enough, they didn't blame me. They didn't stop being with me. It was completely new to me. I had always lived with fear of my monthly transformations, fear of others finding out. It was such a relief that my best friends didn't turn me down after they found out. They did much more than that, much better things. They decided to keep me company. Becoming an Animagus is a long, dangerous and painful process. It takes years to master, not to mention to do it secretly right under Dumbledore's nose, and keeping it quiet. In my fifth year, they managed it all. Peter became a rat. Small as he was, he could always stop the Whomping Willow from moving by pushing on the spot. Sirius and James turned into a dog and a stag, both big enough to fight with me if necessary.  
They made my transformationa easier. I was still a werewolf, but when I changed my human self remained inside of me. I became a wolf with a lot of human characteristics. I stopped biting and scratching myself and damaged the house instead. Sometimes I fought with my friends – more for fun than to really harm them.  
I was described as the most mature one of our quartet. Dumbledore made me Prefect, probably to keep James and Sirius a bit more quiet, but I failed in that. I felt ver guilty about it, though, especially on the way they treated Severus Snape. He had been their main victim ever since they met him. He was a friend of Lily: reason enough for James to treat him badly. Sometimes I tried to stop them. I never joined them in teasing him. But I was too afraid to really stand up against them – afraid I would lose my friends.

After Hogwarts, we didn't have as much contact as we used to, obviously. James married Lily very soon after school. They had met at school, in the first year already – their story is to be told another time. Sirius moved into his house where his parents had lived before.  
Sirius and James still had a lot of contact. They were the centre of our group, the two best friends. Peter and me were also friends, but not best; I never liked the way Peter admired James. James was, in his eyes, everything he, Peter, wasn't: smart, popular, handsome – I think this also had its part in what happened later on.

I spent my time trying to find a job, which was extremely hard. There weren't many wizards who trusted werewolves; in fact, I only knew few of them. After a while I gave up and started working for the Order instead, which was dangerous but at least something.  
Voldemort was very powerful. It was a horrible time. You didn´t know who to trust... Every day, people disappeared, were found dead or were discovered to have joined the Dark Side. I was very glad that none of my betrusted friends showed signs of affection - I was particularly concerned about Sirius, seeing as he had grown up in a dark family.

Those concerns seemed confirmed when I heard the story about his betrayal. I had visited Lily, James and their son Harry a while ago, before Harry's first birthday. Sirius nor Peter was there. I finally had the time to speak to James alone and clearify some things of the past. Lily was very kind to me, too. She had always been, even when she found out about my secret. I was very glad to have it all straight when I finally left their house.

A couple of weeks later, it happened. James and Lily, dead in their house, attacked by none other than Voldemort. And Harry... little Harry, survived it. The curse backfired and he survived. Sirius was found guilty and sent to Azkaban, after killing Peter. All at once, I lost my three best friends, left with a very confused and angry mind.I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it coming.

To forget, I focussed even more on the Order. It had been disbanded after Voldemort's downfall, but I still knew some things to do. There wasn't as much left to do as there used to be. Voldemort was gone, or it seemed that way – I never believed he was truly gone. People celebrated, but I only joined a few. I was very upset about the sudden departure of the three best friends, one of whom I never believed to be evil. Nevertheless, I was happy the threat of the past year had lifted. I hoped on more justice for werewolves, but it was an idle hope. Wizards took their prejudices with them.

I spent the next years trying to find more Death Eaters. Many had found a way out by telling they had been Imperiused – my job was to sort out the liars. I didn't do a well job, though. I was devastated by the loss of the only ones who had trusted me, and many wizard and witches knew me by name, or at least by species. They knew I was a werewolf, and if I wasn't careful, I could be caught any minute. So there wasn't much left for me to do.

Dumbledore employed my at Hogwarts in Harry's third year. They were running short on Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, and I was there, readily available, with a satisfying knowledge of the Dark Arts! Dumbledore told the other teachers my secret, after consulting with me. Most of them reacted kindly and understanding, though they appeared a little suspicious. I was particularly frightened by Snape, who worked as a Potions Master. He had reason enough to not like me, and "accidentally" talk about my secret to some eagerly listening students. He did not, though, and it surprised me. I assumed Dumbledore would have had a word with him.  
I taught Harry, too. He was gifted in my subject – the best in class, I can say. I taught him how to use a Patronus too, for he was always affected by the Dementors. He learnt faster than any other student I knew. I must admit I was proud at him for learning so fast, for showing so much interest and skill.  
It was very difficult, though. Looking at Harry reminded me of both his parents. He looked incredibly much like his father, but he had Lily's eyes. They were both united in him, and looking at him brought back feelings I had tried to forget. More teachers had this problem. I could especially see it at Severus Snape. I suspected him of having been in love with Lily. It must have been horrible for him – loving Lily, hating her husband, and teaching the child that resembles them both so much.

And then I learnt Sirius was innocent. I met him in the Shrieking Shack, ironically – our first hang-out. I heard the story. I was astounded. Ever since I saw Peter Pettigrew's name on the Marauders Map – our map – I suspected something was wrong, but talking to Sirius confirmed it. I wanted to kill Peter for betraying his friend, for playing such a dirty game all along. My forgotten feelings and memories came back. But Harry saved Peter from killing, insisted on taking him to the Dementors instead. That was a better solution – and I agreed.  
Something horrible happened after that. Due to all excitement, I had forgotten to take some of my Wolfsbane Potion and I transformed. Sirius immediately turned too, and tried to stop me. But I was not be saved. My anger, fury, pain, they prevented me from getting more human. I ran into the forest, a last desperate attempt to not hurt my friends- I had that much sense in me.  
The next day, I resigned. Snape had talked. I wasn't save here anymore, and by staying I would only endanger Dumbledore. I left. I went back to my sad world, after having caught a glimpse how life could have been – if I hadn't been attacked, if Snape hadn't talked. If, if, if...

Then, one evening, the original Order was called together again. It was a big surprise to me, but I went nevertheless. Our number had decreased dramatically, but a few new people joined, too – people who had been too young last time. Dumbledore told us Voldemort had risen again, and how he had risen. He told us all that could be useful to the Order.  
I met Harry again. He had changed a lot. He was more mature, more thoughtful. And much closer to Ron and Hermione. They were inseperable, they reminded me a lot of James, Sirius, Peter and me.  
Harry resembled his parents in more than just looks. Especially James, on first thought: Harry had the same way of walking, the same way of talking, the same dislike of the Dark Arts, and he inherited James's dislike of Snape. He was also wonderful on a broom – just like James. And he had his parents's courage. Oh yes, James and Lily were brave... Braver than a lot of others, I dare say. More than me... They joined the Order right after school, and remained fighting until the very end, even though they had a family now, they had time to spend on each other – they dedicated their time to defeating Voldemort instead.

My gladness at Sirius's return was immense. Over that past year, I had spent a lot of time with him, together doing jobs, taking care of the house and talking. I became attached to him more than ever – the only other remaining member of our quartet, for we both agreed Peter was no friend of ours anymore, obviously. I was, again, devestated when he died. I focussed on Harry, however; Sirius was like a newly discovered father to him, and Harry had only known Sirius for about two years. I had known him almost all my life – I was priviliged, I thought.

Nevertheless I continued fighting. I sought a way to avenge Sirius. But something else would happen, something that would affect the whole wizarding community.  
Dumbledore died. Dumbledore was killed by Snape, so it seemed. Snape, whom Dumbledore always said to trust, but who the rest of us didn't exactly like. No one could see why Dumbledore had trusted Snape so much. It was a mystery – but we had to move on. Now Voldemort's biggest threat –in his eyes- was gone, possibilities stood open. He infiltrated the Ministry and gained control over it. He killed off Rufus Scrimgeour, the Minister after Cornelius Fudge. Terror filled the country. He started a system against Muggleborns and what he called blood-traitors; many people fled. I stayed, although I was in much danger, being a werewolf and pretty known for being against Voldemort. I couldn't leave. Dora was pregnant. Nymphadora Tonks, a young Auror, too young to have been in the Order previous time, now joined our ranks and fought with us. I didn't feel worthy enough to be her husband. I was a werewolf, I put her in terrible danger every month, no matter how many Wolfsbane Potions I took. And when she found she was pregnant, I was terrified. I would never forgive myself if the child were a werewolf. I would never want my child to go through the same I went through.  
So I escaped. I visited Harry at Grimmauld Place, telling him I could help him. A big mistake. He got very angry with me, saying I'd have to stick with my wife and unborn child. I can see his point. It's an emotional spot, parents; having lost all who resembled as much as one: his real parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, and now even I seemed to do something wrong.  
I went back to Dora. I stayed with her, but I couldn't stay long. I left again. So wrong... I left Dora with her family, and trusted in her own skills to keep her safe. She was, after all, a skilled Auror; she could take care of herself. There were many other things to do.

I cannot say how glad I was when Teddy was born, showing metamorphmagus tendencies instead of those of werewolves. I met Harry again in Bill and Fleur Weasley's house, which had been a hiding place ever seen they had bought in. I named him godfather – Dora agreed. He was astounded, but pleased – I could easily see that.


	3. Chapter 3

I spent happy hours with Dora and Teddy

I spent happy hours with Dora and Teddy. I knew what was going on outside, but didn't much do about it: for the first time, my family came first. But when I heard of the battle, about to begin at Hogwarts, I couldn't stay safe at home. I wanted –needed- to fight. I went to the castle. It was horribly chaotic. All younger students were evacuated by Minerva McGonagall; students of age could stay and fight. It promised to become a very big fight, an ultimate battle. Voldemort himself didn't show up as first, only his followers. He said he wanted Harry, and if Harry would give himself, Voldemort would leave the school alone. I was sent together with Arthur Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt to take fighting groups into the grounds. I did so, then I returned to the castle. I was more needed there. Death Eaters were all around, fighting, duelling. Bodies lay on the floor, people dragged others out of sight, to safer places. I saw Dolohov, battling a student, and I ran and replaced the student. She was injured: when I arrived, she collapsed on the floor. I took her place. I fought Dolohov.  
It was a short battle. We were equally matched, I believe, but his moment of advantage came when Dora arrived. I shouted at her that she should go, away from here. Dolohov attacked immediately. I felt the curse hit me. I realized I'd die. I looked at Dora, but she was going mad, crying and pointing her wand at Dolohov, but unable to speak. I heard Dolohov laughing, and a body falling on the floor. I –and she- was dead.  
It was very strange. I could still think, I still saw myself in the castle. I just couldn't move in my physical form anymore. It is a very strange sensation. You feel as if you've been cut off something, as if you're missing an arm or leg. At first, I was paralyzed with thoughts and fears. Teddy... My only descendant, the only one left of my small family now, for I was sure Dora was dead, too. I saw her dead body on the floor, and Dolohov looking at her. I couldn't do a thing. I was reduced to nothing but a shadow, not alive nor able to help.  
George Weasley and a student dragged my body to the Great Hall, where they lay me in a row, and I followed. A moment later they placed Dora next to me. I saw Fred Weasley's body next to me, his family sobbing, but I felt strangely emotionless. The only loss I felt was that of Teddy, who would be growing up without a family. I felt horribly sorry for being such a horrible father, for such a short while. I could only hope Harry would stay alive and take care of him.

Unclear things happened. Ron and Hermione entered, but I couldn't see Harry anywhere. I suppose he was under his, James's, Invisibility Cloak. I waited and finally managed to escape my body. I wandered around the Great Hall, but I couldn't leave it; it was as if some kind of magical boundary stopped me at the edge of it.  
Then, suddenly, I felt a warm feeling, as if I had just stepped into a hot bath. I sat down, as far as I could, and closed my eyes to enjoy this new sensation. I saw something; a vision, perhaps, for it was obviously not real. James, Sirius and Lily were all walking to Harry, who stood alone in the dark ground, holding a Snitch, his Cloak and a stone in his hands. I walked, too, as some kind of automatic reaction.  
Lily spoke first, saying Harry had been so brave. Her voice sounded distant, but clear all the same; James spoke, too. We all spoke. The words came without having to think; as if they had always been there, just waiting to be said.  
Harry apologized to me, for being killed right after having my son. I replied, and again it was as if I knew my words already. And I understood. We were there, able to talk to him, because we were part of Harry. We lived inside of him. These four people: James, Lily, Sirius and me were those who were closest to him, who had been related to him until he died. I wondered why Dumbledore hadn't joined us, too, but there was no time to think about it. We walked in the Forbidden Forest. It was dark. we reached the place where Voldemort, Dolohov, Yaxley and others were. Harry put off the Invisibility Cloak, and I was back in the Great Hall again.  
I stayed seated, thinking about what I had seen. Then my thoughts turned to Dora – but before I could search for her, I hear a cold voice. Voldemort's voice, saying Harry was dead. I couldn't believe it – I didn't believe it. Dumbledore had shown so much faith in the boy. He must have had some secret power for that, I thought. Was he really gone? For me, it didn't much matter anymore, but all the othes – the survivors...  
I saw Voldemort, duelling with three people at once. I saw Molly Weasley, fighting Bellatrix Lestrange, killing her, and felt happy. Sirius's dead had been avenged.  
And then I heard Harry's voice, casting a Shield Charm. I thought I had heard it wrong. But all around me, people cheered, shouting "He's alive!" and looking around for him. I saw him and Voldemort, moving around in a perfect circle, talking. I cannot tell how proud I was at him at that moment. He had done something incredible – fooling Voldemort wasn't easy, I had known. He talked about Snape and his mother – and I understood. Snape had been in love with Lily. The love had prevented him from turning evil, and really joining the man who had killed her. I finally understood...

Voldemort was defeated. He was gone, his followers were captured or dead. I could almost feel the waves of relief waving through the Great Hall, intertwined with great grief towards all the dead. Which, I then remembered, included me...Strangely enough, I just didn't feel dead. I still don't. I'm not able to join the living ranks again, but I'm not completely gone – I will always be in the minds of those I loved, and those who loved me. I will only be gone, when no one remembers me anymore, when every single memory has faded away. And it will take a long time for everyone to forget the real, final downfall of terror.


End file.
